do not confuse grieving with making a wrong decision

 
 

do not confuse...” is an ongoing series of performances surrounding Kate Bush’s “Wuthering Heights.” In this karaoke-style performance, I explore my changed voice as I transition as a transgender person. After 6 months of testosterone, my voice as  permanently deepened. I have lost my soprano voice and my ability to sing songs that have significance in my career as both a performance and performing artist. 


I am dressed in femme “drag”, wearing a leotard, heels, drag-inspired makeup and false nails. Underneath the leotard I wear a breast binder and a “packer” (a prosthetic phallus) a visual reminder of my male identity. As a karaoke version of “Wuthering Heights” plays, I try to sing along. Unable to match the pitch of the female vocals, my voice squeaks and cracks through tears as I mourn the loss of my voice, and by extension a more feminine identity and presentation.